Caregiver Burnout: How to Recognize and Manage Secondhand Stress

More than 63 million people in America provide unpaid care for children, parents, or loved ones. Nearly half of caregivers under the age of 50 are simultaneously caring for a parent and a child while managing jobs and other life responsibilities. This heavy burden often leads to exhaustion and burnout.

Amy Goyer, AARP’s National Family and Caregiving Expert, understands this struggle firsthand. She has been a caregiver for most of her life, starting in her 20s by caring for her grandparents, later for her parents and sister. “I felt like I was living four people’s lives,” she told Explain It to Me, Vox’s weekly call-in podcast. “When you have someone, especially someone you love, going through so much—physical stress, emotional stress, financial stress—you may absorb that. And it’s on top of the normal stress of caregiving. It’s like the membrane between the two of you gets thin.”

Understanding Secondhand Stress

Goyer describes this phenomenon as secondhand stress—the emotional strain of being with someone experiencing pain, trauma, or stress. Caregivers often find themselves absorbing those emotions, feeling anxiety, sadness, or frustration as if it were their own experience. “It’s almost like catching somebody’s emotions, like catching a cold from that person,” she explains. “You are absorbing those things, and that starts to cause you stress as well.”

Why Caregiver Burnout Is Different

Unlike workplace burnout, where quitting is an option, caregiving for a loved one offers no easy exit. “Wanting to walk away is one of the big red flags,” Goyer says. She developed a personal philosophy during her years of caregiving: “I was driving my car and realized I was on fumes; I had no gas.”

Signs of Secondhand Stress and Burnout

• Persistent exhaustion despite adequate rest
• Feeling overwhelmed by emotions that aren’t your own
• Irritability or frustration in situations unrelated to your own life
• Withdrawal from social activities or hobbies
• Physical symptoms like headaches or sleep disturbances

How to Recover and Prevent Burnout

Goyer emphasizes the importance of self-care and setting boundaries. “You have to refill your own tank,” she advises. This might include seeking support from friends, family, or professional resources, as well as taking time for activities that recharge you.

Listen to the Full Episode

Goyer discusses the signs of secondhand stress, strategies for recovery, and prevention in the latest episode of Explain It to Me. Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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