Jimmy Kimmel Mocks White House Correspondents' Dinner with Alternative Monologue

Jimmy Kimmel hosted his own alternative White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Thursday’s episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”, drawing inspiration from Kid Rock’s approach to the event. During his monologue, Kimmel criticized the annual gathering for selecting mentalist Oz Pearlman as the night’s featured act instead of a comedian.

“Typically, someone funny shows up and roasts the luminaries and the president and everyone,” Kimmel said. “But our president is a delicate snowflake with the thinnest fat skin of any human being ever. And that means there’s going to be no comedian this year.”

He continued, “So, I thought, why not take a page from the Kid Rock alternative halftime show and do some of the jokes a comedian might do if our president wasn’t a trembling drama queen who’s scared of comedy.”

At this point, Kimmel, dressed in a tuxedo, stepped behind the dais to host the “All-American White House Correspondents Dinner,” a direct jab at Kid Rock’s prior “All-American Halftime Show” protest.

“Welcome to the 2026 White House Correspondents’ Dinner,” Kimmel quipped. “Look at you all dressed up in formal wear, dresses, tuxedos. I haven’t seen this much black since every page of the Trump Epstein files.”

He added, “We’re going to have fun tonight. And I’m happy you decided to stay, Mr. President. And don’t worry, if we bruise your ego, it’ll only make your hands look less disgusting.”

Kimmel also addressed the president directly: “The president didn’t want me to tell any jokes about him tonight, but he also didn’t want to pay me $130,000 to shut up. So, here we are. Sorry, mushroom d–k.”

In a mock medical emergency, he joked, “In the unfortunate event that our president has a medical emergency tonight, do we have a doctor, I mean, I’m sorry. I mean, do we have a Jesus in the house? I always confuse them, too.”

Kimmel further joked about Trump’s perceived self-importance, saying, “Every time he walks into a room, people say, ‘Christ, he’s back.’”

Later, he took aim at Trump’s famously orange complexion, asking, “Who did your makeup? Kraft singles?” He also suggested that the president’s legacy would be reduced to “breaking wind and passing gas” due to his policies on wind energy and oil.

Kimmel didn’t spare Melania Trump, mocking her critically panned documentary. “As you’re all aware, Melania is a movie star now,” he said. “Her documentary had a score of 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a website named after her husband’s testicles.”

He added, “And I want to congratulate you, Madam First Lady, on your huge accomplishment. The world’s first motionless picture.”

Kimmel then turned his attention to Vice President JD Vance, Stephen Miller, and Kash Patel, sarcastically calling them “a group of patriots” before mocking their respective controversies.

He also criticized FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, stating, “Back in September, he tried to get my affiliates to throw me off the air. He said we could do this the easy way or the hard way—