Why Making Friends at Work Gets Harder as You Age

Workplace Friendships Become Harder to Maintain Over Time

After-work drinks and casual gatherings are common ways to bond with colleagues in your 20s and 30s. However, as people age, these informal social rituals often become more difficult to sustain due to shifting priorities and responsibilities.

Family Obligations Limit Social Opportunities

Olga Valadon, 54, who previously served as chief of staff at Deloitte, highlights the challenges of balancing work and personal life. "Both I and the people I became friends with faced different pressures, whether from work or family commitments," she says. "We were running around all day chasing our tail to fulfill these needs, often leaving too little time or energy for anything that was just for us."

Bill, a 54-year-old professional using a pseudonym, echoes this sentiment. He notes that many of his peers are either caring for children, elderly parents, or both. "It is difficult to find time to get together" with friends or coworkers, he explains. Even when older workers do socialize outside of work, including spouses in these gatherings can create additional strain.

"Inevitably, me and my colleague will wind up talking about work, because it is what we have in common," Bill continues. "That leaves our spouses out of the conversation. And the spouses have nothing in common with each other."

Changing Social Norms and Physical Limitations

Margaret Sigel, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in somatic work for adults aged 30 to 60, points out another barrier: the drinks themselves. "A lot of people in their 40s—myself included—just don’t feel great after a glass of wine anymore," she says. Sigel adds that some individuals may also be sober, making traditional after-work rituals less appealing.

"What used to be an easy, low-cost social ritual now comes with a physical, emotional, or relational tax that makes it a bad trade for someone already running on fumes," Sigel explains.

Remote Work Reduces Organic Connections

Carol, 45, has worked remotely for over a decade. She describes how remote work has removed "a lot of the natural, in-person interactions where friendships tend to develop." This shift has made it even more challenging for older professionals to build meaningful relationships with colleagues.

Why Older Adults Are More Cautious About Forming New Friendships

While younger individuals may quickly form friendships in casual settings like after-work drinks, older adults often approach new relationships with greater caution. Sigel explains that as people age, their brains develop a "much more sophisticated screening process" when deciding whether to trust and bond with others.

"You are assessing risk in real time: will this person be a good friend, or will they waste my time?"

This heightened awareness can make it harder for older adults to form new connections, even when they desire them.

Why Workplace Friendships Matter at Any Age

Despite these challenges, workplace friendships remain valuable. They can reduce loneliness, improve job satisfaction, and even enhance professional success. For older adults, fostering these connections may require more intentional effort, but the benefits are well worth it.